What if I fall?
Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?
Or hit the ground like a sack of last year’s spuds, more like. Probably not what Erin Hanson had in mind when penning the above quote. No, it was meant to be lighter, more freeing.
While nobody has ever said it to me, at least not so beautifully, I’ve always loved the sentiment. It’s for the daydreamers. The Unicorn lovers and stargazers. And that’s me.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not brave. Far from it. I very rarely act on my desires and I find it extremely difficult to ask for what I want because first and foremost, I am a socially awkward, self-doubting, self-deprecating wimp.
I recently had an epiphany. That is, if I, Super Wimp, (cue Captain Underpants shouting tra-la-la) can birth two actual human beings, one of which without any pain relief what so ever (I’m wincing as I type) in front of a room full of strangers, then I can do anything. Well, not anything. Certainly nothing to do with heights. Or planes. Or water. But hey, I can at least be a bit more brave in social situations and put myself forward for things where I’d normally shy away, hiding in the shadows like a clumsy bog troll.
So I started this blog. My first steps towards becoming Ella the Bold(ish) – hold the fanfare.
I hadn’t written anything other than my name since having Bear three and half years ago so I debated if I could even put anything coherent down on paper, let alone come up with content that anybody would want to read. And yet here we are on blog post number 3 and you’re still with me. Cheers, mate!
Easy. What’s next?
Well, typing out a load of gob waffle and putting it out into the ether is one thing. Being brave in real life, with real people and realfaces, is something else entirely. But when I saw that the app, Mush, – The Bearded Manc thinks it’s Tinder for Mum’s (there’ll be no swiping right!) – wanted people to host a meet up in their local area as part of a national MUMDAY to break the isolation experienced by parents, I threw caution to the wind and submitted an application for my area. Lo and behold, they approved it and I got busy making plans.
I worried a lot about people not turning up. The night before, I actually thought about not going myself so as to avoid looking like one of the wallflowers on the bleachers in Grease, when nobody showed. If you don’t get that reference, you’re likely too wonderfully young for my old lady ramblings.
But it was okay. People did come and I introduced myself and I introduced them to each other. And more people came and I did the same again. And again and again and again until I realised that there were around were 40 plus Mum’s all busy gabbing. 40 mum’s who had ventured out on a wet and windy day to meet other like minded girls and be an adult for a couple of hours, despite having to walk into a room full of strangers and say hi, first.
And do you know what? The sky didn’t fall in. It was great. The room was buzzing, the babes all played brilliantly and everyone had a blooming nice morning.
So here’s to being braver and ticking a few more things off my BIG & BOLD list. Here’s to hoping 2018 is the year I finally get my driving license, to open up our world of adventures even further. Here’s to hoping 2018 sees my colouring club up and running, because let’s face it who doesn’t wanna be in a gang where you eat cake, drink tea and listen to The Strokes while doing a little doodling with some rad Mum’s by your side?
Being brave(r). I’m getting there. I may not quite be flying yet but I’ll be furiously flapping my wings like a glorious flamingo while I try.