What do you do when you don’t like your kids?
I mean, you can’t tell them to p*ss off and never call you again, can you? Nor can you avoid them because they live in the same house and literally have to go everywhere with you. There’s no escaping them.
That in itself is a problem.
When you are annoyed with anyone else you can get some distance or have it out (if needs be). Get things off your chest. You can’t do that with a sweet faced little person who only wants your love.
This predicament has left me in a bit of a funk over the last 24 hours because my wonderfully sweet and kind Bear, who is usually so full of love and excitement, suddenly has some sort of doppelgänger from an alternate universe who can be sulky and mean. He has just appeared out of nowhere and I don’t like it.
I’m exaggerating when I say I don’t like him – the dastardly doppelgänger – but it’s still crushing to think like that for even a split second, my Bear has always been my little mate. The sun truly rises and sets with my babies, I have never been more in love, so it’s such an odd feeling. And actually, are we even allowed to say that we don’t like our kids or one aspect of them? Even if only fleetingly?
I know all kids have their moments, but I have been extremely fortunate to be blessed with two exceptionally well behaved babies. Perhaps that is why this doppelgängers arrival (and my reaction) has come as a bit of a shock?
I’ve definitely had it too easy up to now. I’ve said it many times. I’ve been lucky. I haven’t had to fight the usual parental battles. Sleeping, sharing, food, the terrible twos, none of them have been a problem with either baby (I shouldn’t speak too soon, Bunni isn’t even two yet and she’s definitely more vocal).
All the usual issues have passed us by without incident and I feel like I haven’t gained the necessary experience to deal with the Doppelgänger.
Ours is usually a calm house full of cuddles and play. We very rarely have to use the ‘naughty chair’ and I think that what we consider ‘naughty’, most people would simply disregard, so I hate to see him sat in it. His little legs dangling, his face forlorn.
It hurts me.
What’s worse is that I can see that my poor Bear is struggling with his alter ego too.
When he went to bed last night, he apologised to me and said ‘I don’t want to have to live in another house Mummy’. My heart broke. I have no idea where he got this from but he obviously felt that his behaviour was so bad that he might be ejected from the nest. Poor guy.
Yes, it has to be said, I don’t like the Doppelgänger and what he’s been like over the last 24 hours but, I’d still take that kid over any other. Even the evil twin is better behaved than every other kid I’ve ever met. It just that his behaviour was more like that of a normal kid than my usual angel from above.
I’m hoping that the last 24 hours can be explained away by tiredness and frustration at not being able to hear properly (we are desperately trying to get his ears sorted with the doctors) but it would seem that Bear and I have some work to do because there will be bad days (we all have them). My kids should know that in spite of tantrums or bad behaviour, they are allowed to feel all of their emotions and make mistakes without fear of being unloved.
We have to work on supporting one another as a family through the ‘storm cloud days’ and keep the dialogue open and honest.
I could never stop loving my kids, no matter what they did. It is my job to make sure they truly understand that and trust me completely with their fears and pain.
So today, instead of rushing from place to place, we’ve had a slow day. We’re filling up on cuddles, talking and making sure that everyone feels whole and there aren’t any cracks to repair because that is the foundation any solid home is built upon.
We all feel better for the cuddles.
I don’t just like him, I bloody adore him.