All I want for Christmas is peace on Earth, but I’m not sure The Big Man can sort that so I’ll settle for a feeling of self-worth.

While I’m at it (and sorry for being greedy), I’d also like two healthy babes with sweet hearts. If you’re feeling frivolous Santa, I’ll take some neon art.

There’ll be jingle bells and Batman smells but The Big Man wasn’t seen. An inspection reveals someone ate the mince pie and downed a few pints, so I guess he must’ve been.

Pull yourself a cracker, a gin and a mulled wine. The turkey’s dry and the Yorkie’s are burnt but who cares? You’re merry, it’ll be fine.

There’s wrapping scattered everywhere and toys and tat galore. All that gets forgotten by the kids when someone puts an empty box on the floor.

You scrimped and saved all year for this day. You’ve been rushed and stressed but wouldn’t have it any other way.

Nan’s asleep in the chair and Grandad’s winding up the kids with his false teeth. Elf is on the telly and everyone is happy, what a relief.

It’s time for love and kindness and just a bit too much food, but remembering that not everyone has that, doesn’t feel very good.

So a trip to the food bank with packets and tins can make you feel a bit better about your abundance of good things.

A kind word to a stranger might keep them out of danger, so spread a little love in the same way you apply tinsel. You might not have a red velvet suit but that doesn’t stop you from playing Kris Kringle.

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